Somewhere Across Decades, I Yearn for You Again

 

"her favorite movie"

ek samundar hai, jo mere kaabu me hai, ek qatra hai jo mujhse sambhala nahi jaata,

ek umar guzaarni hai uske bagair, ek lamha hai jo bitaya nahi jaata....

I think u have gotten a gist of what this about, a typical "guy meets girl story", many of you asked me who am I writing this for, who is the special person, how does she look, is she close to you, and to be honest, even I haven't seen her, once I thought about filling my gallery with her pictures but mera khaash toh khair hi reh gaya, So, just the eyes, thats all I got to see, I would tell you about them but then I don't want u imaging those eyes, but in the end of this, you'll see how when you fall in love, your eyes become blind to others. 

I met her without trying but couldn't keep her while trying my best. every day, i tell myself, thats it! this is the last time I'm writing about her, and then every other day, I find myself here....

"21st December" the last day we met, I still see her, but we don't meet, I cannot explain it to you how it kills you from inside when you go from friends to strangers, Yes, "friends" that is all we were, nothing much, nothing less, but honestly i couldn't ask for more, woh mere pass se guzar jaaye, isse zyada mulaqaat ke haqdar mai khud ko bhi nahi samajhta...

I still text her, actually now that I'm blocked from everywhere, i text her more often, pour my heart out in chats at 3 am, at least now i don't have to delete everything before she sees them.

I still write for her, not to her because she'll never read them, she's not really a reader, use padhai bhi acchi nahi lagti hai, my dumbo, cute, short dumbo, with big eyes, eyes which once held my dreams and hope, who knew, a girl, weak in her voice, could make a man feel weak in his knees.

kuch relationships kaafi pehle end ho jaati hai but hume pata kaafi baad me chalta hai, looking back in time, much like looking at a star which is already dead, but because light takes time to travel across the vast distance of space, we do not see stars as they are at this exact moment, but rather as they were when the light first began its journey. 

Its quite easy to say ki jo chala gaya use bhool jau and move ahead, but jiska jaata haina use saans bhi nahi aati, how could i ever forget how she used to always keep me on my feet, never let me get too comfortable, how I spend every moment with her wanting to be seen, how I used to wait outside the class to stop people, just so she could offer her prayer peacefully, 

my god i have sooooo many complaints, and i do, i complain a lot, not to her obviously, but to god, every night, I wake up at 3 am, wash my face, and fall in sujood to complain, just to end up asking peace for her, just because it was not our time that doesn't mean it was not love, i'll just leave you with this, "agli baar aaunga, tumhara mann pasand banke, phir ek dafa, pehli dafa ki tarah milna"

something for you guys:

U could've done anything but you chose to clink on this link and give me 5 minutes of your time, and for that, i cannot be more grateful. 

i was listening to this song when i wrote this blog: Beqadaran by Hiten, listen to this and read below when the chorus starts,

poem i wrote on dec 26 when i last talked to her:

Tujhe khone ke baad mere aashiyane me kuch is qadar tanhai hai,

Meri aakhon ne roo roo kar, khamoshi se dastaan sunayi hai, 

Kuch zamane se, kuch mehkhane se, kuch toh khuda se bhi meri ruswai hai,

Mohabbat ki aakhri hadh hai zaleel hona,

Aur maine waha tak mohabbat nibhayi hai...

hope you got your answer, aur waise bhi, sar-e-toor ho, sar-e-hashr, hume intezaar qubool hai, woh kahi mile woh kabhi mile, woh kahi sahi woh kabhi sahi....

check my posts on instagram: @elusive_ppoet

God, the greatest playwright!

 "Itna kuch choot raha hai, kahi toh kuch mil bhi raha hoga"

I consider God as the greatest playwright ever, now, don't think of this as something belittling god, I know that god knows where this is coming from, the reason I'm telling you this is because, from one writer to another, spilling the secret (sorry god hehe), no writer ever, and I mean it, NO WRITER EVER!, wants a bad ending.

No matter who you are, the protagonist, antagonist, even a background filler, everyone meets their ending, each beautiful in its own way.

the Hero slays the dragon and finds his true calling, the very same day, dragon finds peace in its death, even the background characters feel relieved in someone else's win, and its because every end has to be a poetic justice to the character. 

There's this certain comfort in knowing that your writer loves you, right? whatever happens, it will turn out good, there's this quote I heard which goes, 

"Jab likhne wala hi mere haq mein ho, toh kya mila aur kya choota"

Its gonna work out, it will, it always has, because you always make it work, 

Beethoven composed his Ninth symphony, while being deaf, 

Usain Bolt was told he couldn't run due to scoliosis, 

Virat kohli was still doubted in his rough phases even after carrying Indian team for two different tournaments, 

people are gonna talk, they should, its a good thing, do it because you want them to talk, if you think it hurts when they talk bad about you, you should see how it eats you from the inside when they talk about somebody else when you're in the room, 

As long as you're consistent with what you want, if you're doing your part, if you're showing up and pushing yourself, it will work out, as my dad used to say, "kismat dhoka deti hai, mehnat nahi", 

you're gonna win some and lose some but you go ahead with your wins and then lose them again, and keep going at it everyday.

All I can be sure of is ke agar uparwale ne kisi panne pe khwaab likhe hai toh kisi panne pe tathastu bhi likha hi hoga, you just need to be sure ke jab khwaab pure ho toh aap khudko deserving samjho. 

signing of for today, we'll meet again, I'll make sure of it. also, if you're into poetry, check out my account: @elusive_ppoet

From a 60 year old kid in Lahore....

               

                 ....Zindagi tumhe sab kuch deti hai magar kisi-na-kisi cheez ke liye faqeer rakhti hai. 

I read this quote a long time ago, only to face it now, its quite unusual, even uncomfortable at times to think that I have lost you, that your name will never be next to mine, my lips will forget your taste, my hands will never hold yours again, and my eyes, most lonely of them all, are forgetting your smile, while the ears are haunted by your laugh which echoes through the walls of empty rooms and crowded streets. 

Only thing I can leave with you is, don't leave anything for later, 

later, the coffee gets cold, 

later, you lose interest, 

later, the day turns into night,

later people grow up, 

later, people grow old, 

later, life goes by, 

later, you are only left with regret,

It will surprise you how ungrateful people can be towards something they once cherished from their heart. All you can do is be in the moment, 

This is coming from a man worn out through ages, living in the streets of Lahore, I come back from my day job, its raining outside, I open my door with no one to greet, its pitch dark inside, little light coming from the clouds is shining on my tainted windows, although the rain is coming on my study table through a crack in the glass, I turn on the radio, but its just static noise, since radio stations were shut down 10 years back, but I still turn it on to get rid of the silence.

I have some coffee and sit with my self, because when I was young, I chose peace over drama, distance over attachments, mind over heart...now its just me and my eternal peace. 

all i can say is, be in the moment, 

Qadar karni hai toh waqt pe karo, Taj Mahal jahaan ne dekha hai par Mumtaz ne nahi...

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hope you find this helpful and not a waste of time, leave a comment, look out for my replies, also I'm getting featured in my first book for poetry, I'll keep you guys updated, when it happens, you'll be the first ones to know. 

check out my acc: @elusive_ppoet.

Everyone has a story, What's yours?

 

Hi!!!!! long time no see? kamaal karte ho yaar, kabhi khud bhi kuch likh ke bhej diya karo, khair...

Finally! done with exams, I'll tell you legit there was this one moment when i was writing and i laughed while looking at my answers, the sheer conviction in absolute bullshit, i would've done numbers while they were creating religions.

I can tell you one thing for sure, the examiner will surely learn something from this, the best thing about exam season is the sudden change in my Instagram feed, the way it takes a complete 360 turn from rap and poetry to spirituality and humanity is not real.

The way I start saying shit like, "insaniyat hi sabse bada dharm hai", "kisi ke sawaal se mujhe kya, mujhse sawaaal meri niyat ka hoga" and what not? i remember this one instance, when i said to my mum ke "we're human beings, not human doings" you know this is some Osho level shit I pulled here, the only difference is that i said this after i forgot to flush after i came out of the toilet. 

I love citing some irrelevant quote in the conversation just to make everyone awkward, i remember saying "sometimes, what we cherish becomes the most fragile part of us", i said this to my 10 year old sister after she dropped her cotton candy (teaching em young).

But it is true, I cherish you guys, the way you take your time and read whatever bullshit I throw at you, the way you think "his thoughts deserve my attention", I'm flattered in my deepest sense, but it also true that its quite easy to lose you guys, there'll be a day when I won't write anymore, and you guys would just think that maybe I'm suffering from writer's block but in reality, I would be long gone. This is what keeps me up at night, the thought of never being enough, in terms of favoritism, I never won.

But all I can do is cherish you guys while I have the time, all I know is that tomorrow another kid will come back home after playing, see Virat Kohli batting and fall in love with cricket, just like I did in 2016 (i know its not relevant to the topic but i just can't shut up about that man)

I have met some wonderful people in my life up till now, last year, went up on the stage for 60 times, more than I have ever been, I got into this college where I met the love of my life, then realized love's not for me, then I got this job which made me financially independent but also made me realize ke C-type ke sirf charger nahi hote, all of this happened in the span of one year, and I cannot be more grateful for it, maybe this is what it means to be God's favorite child.

Hope u like what you just read, tell me in the comments about yourself and your journey, hope to see u again someday and get to know you, maybe as a stranger. 

Mr. conscious signing out.

@elusive_ppoet