𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚊 𝚜𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚎...

We're not just born to die right? I mean it's a part of life but you cannot keep dwelling on it, a song doesn't just begin beautifully so it can have a end, a book is not written just so it could be finished, songs are meant to be heard and felt, books are meant to be read and savored and just like that, life is meant to be lived. 

Truth be told, it sucks the hell out of me to get up every day and reach college on time, but the time I spend there writing, laughing or even looking at her means the world to me.

(You noticed how I skipped out studies? It's because I'm not writing fiction and studying in college is as unrealistic as it gets) 

All of this will be gone in a blink, one's who are close to you today will be miles away one day, and you'll be only left with a regret ke "thodi aur baatein kar leni chahiye thi".

And trust me, I'm speaking from experience It doesn't matter if your classmates are cringe, or if your teachers are rude to you or even if you feel like an outsider, because there's innocence in cringe jokes, there's care in rudeness, you just need to come out of your shell and you'll feel accepted when you start accepting others with their flaws and scars, not everyone is born with a silver spoon nor every one is raised the way you were, you cannot welcome the rain with open arms and then frown upon the mud it leaves. you can't have one without the other. 

try to be someone who dances in the rain without feeling the consequences of getting dirty. because anyone can wear the same dress, but not everyone can wear a smile as beautiful as yours.

Don't wanna bore you anymore, so I'll leave you with this, 

" Hasiye, miliye, baatein kariye, roothne se kya sakaar hoga, na tum jaano, na hum jaane, kya kab aakhri baar hoga"

Mr conscious, logging out.

if you like this or feel there's something i didn't say reach out to me on elusive_zahid

𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎...

Sometimes i feel like I'm done with this life, for how long can someone bear the pain of being alone, for how long does someone endure this loneliness, for how long do i have to put up to this nonsensical life with no purpose, no one to share my love nor the pain, neither a shoulder to lean on nor a hand to hold, not a sympathetic ear nor eyes that could weep for me, no hearts that would beat for me or lips that could whisper hope. 

i watch everyone slowly drift away, people i care about, as i stand in disbelief, all of this feels like a memory of a memory, what more do i have to lose....what more can i lose....how wounded do i have to be.... how many scars do i have to bear... so that she would notice.. just so she would notice..

all of this would start making sense if i just talk to her, there's a part of me which makes me want to jump of the college building just so she would hear about me, just so she would know that i exist, but there's another part of that's scared , scared to hold her only to lose her, getting close but feeling astray, looking at her warmth only to get a cold shoulder.

if an analogy helps, she's the moon of my night sky but i might be just another traveler she's smiling down on, there are other travelers, some on mountains, more close to her, and some like me, afraid to climb the mountain, hesitant to reach out from the darkness, there are travelers she would like, pay attention to, and some, she would just ignore because i just can't bring myself to think she would hate anyone.

so i sit, looking at the moon from down here, looking at her from the back of the class, cracking jokes just so she would turn, not everyone's a backbencher by choice, sometimes you sit in the back so something is worth looking at in the front.

if you like this, feel free to reach out to me

elusive_zahid

𝕀𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣?

 

Welcome to another series of "a day with me". Hope all of you are doing good. 

Life isn't good or bad, it's necessary, you'll never get rid of your problems nor you will be content with what you have, life is about going from one problem to another. What gives you peace is your decision. You love to solve the problems you choose for yourself whether it's the degree you wanted, the job you needed or your new relationship, you always make efforts for that one particular problem. You knew what you were getting into and you still went for it. 

I think that is the beauty of life, you don't tip-toe your way through life so that you can safely reach death, it's bigger than that, it's about finding your own obsession, finding people who share the same dream as you do and clinging on to them. 

If theres one thing I've learnt, it's that losing people is very easy,everyday you see each other and suddenly you're miles apart, if you like someone or something that's worth keeping, you keep them close. 

All of us are doing this for the first time, but it certainly doesn't mean that you have to do it alone

Until next time, Mr conscious logging out

You can reach me on Elusive_zahid

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑......

 Hi, its been a while.....

i was really swamped in my work and couldn't lay my hands on the diary for a while, never really thought that I'd miss the smell of books, the sound of pages turning, the texture of words inscribed in the pages, for a moment i was feeling the world as a blind would. i guess leading a double life really does that to you, not like Bruce Wayne -batman or Peter parker- spider man but something that is much worse, a student-employee. having a job makes you question your life in mysterious ways like I know i should be trusting the process but does the process know that I'm trusting it because it sure isn't acting like it.

I finally have some time on my hand to write to all of you and its a pleasure to tell you all we started from the bottom and......somehow we're below the bottom, i wasn't even aware that it was possible.

its becoming really hard for me to show up for people that i care about, and i realized that this is not just happening with me, almost every one of us has to go through this. 

i used to judge people for not showing up, for not putting enough efforts or not giving their 100% but its now that i feel if you only have 10% and you give all of it, you're essentially giving your everything.

sometimes you don't know what someone has to go through everyday until you start walking in their shoes, on their path, being part of the same journey and it is completely fine. you don't have to judge yourself for that, the human brain is conditioned from the childhood to think that it needs attention, validation or love from the outside world, but you should be aware that what you're searching for, you're searching with, no one owes it to you more than yourself, so it doesn't really matter if no ones there for you if you're there for yourself.

if you're seeing darkness all around you, maybe you're the light.

so please cut people some slack and try to supportive of their journey.

until next time, Mr conscious logging out.

you can contact me on elusive zahid

would love to hear your thoughts on this.