Sometimes i feel like I'm done with this life, for how long can someone bear the pain of being alone, for how long does someone endure this loneliness, for how long do i have to put up to this nonsensical life with no purpose, no one to share my love nor the pain, neither a shoulder to lean on nor a hand to hold, not a sympathetic ear nor eyes that could weep for me, no hearts that would beat for me or lips that could whisper hope.
i watch everyone slowly drift away, people i care about, as i stand in disbelief, all of this feels like a memory of a memory, what more do i have to lose....what more can i lose....how wounded do i have to be.... how many scars do i have to bear... so that she would notice.. just so she would notice..
all of this would start making sense if i just talk to her, there's a part of me which makes me want to jump of the college building just so she would hear about me, just so she would know that i exist, but there's another part of that's scared , scared to hold her only to lose her, getting close but feeling astray, looking at her warmth only to get a cold shoulder.
if an analogy helps, she's the moon of my night sky but i might be just another traveler she's smiling down on, there are other travelers, some on mountains, more close to her, and some like me, afraid to climb the mountain, hesitant to reach out from the darkness, there are travelers she would like, pay attention to, and some, she would just ignore because i just can't bring myself to think she would hate anyone.
so i sit, looking at the moon from down here, looking at her from the back of the class, cracking jokes just so she would turn, not everyone's a backbencher by choice, sometimes you sit in the back so something is worth looking at in the front.
if you like this, feel free to reach out to me
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