"jab tum na ho, mera yeh dil na maane, jab tum na ho, kya raat din
"jab tum na ho, ghum ho ya khushi ho, mera dil daray, jab tum na ho"
~samar jafri "jab tum na ho"
It might sound absurd but its been 3 years that I've not seen her, and not like i saw her a while back and now we're in no contact or like we've separated and in no touch whatsoever, please try to make a sense of this, I had a 100 things to write about, there's soo much going on in my life, this is the last week of my notice period, I have finally started standup comedy again, I'm finally going to be a published writer my the end of this month, but I'm still writing about this because soooooooo many of you kept asking me this one silly question "does she even look that good? is your yearning even worth it?" so please try to make a sense of this when I say that its been 3 years I've not seen her and I met her 3 years ago, which means....(dramatic pause) I'm yet to see her.
No, its not a long distance crush, not even someone I met on the internet, she's so close to me yet so far, to be honest there was a time when we would sit across each other and in between us was a whole realm of possibilities which would never come true now, bummer right? eh
But even now, I still recognize her from those gleaming eyes, one look from her is enough to last for a lifetime of happiness and content, even now, when our eyes meet, even if its for a brief moment, it feels that I'm finally seen,
maine uski hasi, uski khushi,
uska gussa, uski naraazgi,
uski fiqr, uski ibadat,
sirf uski aakhon se dekha aur mehsoos kiya hai.
I can forget how the warmth of the sun feels on a cold palm, but not her eyes, those once held hope for me.
I know its hopeless to write this here, because eventually its never gonna end up where its meant to be, but this is not for me to carry and she's not gonna accept this, so I leave these out in the open world, someday, her fingers would run across these words and they'll finally be able to rest.
I know this seems a bit over the edge kind of thing because how can you love someone, you've never even talked to right? but only feeling her is enough for me, to be honest, I've also never met god, that doesn't stop me from believing in him every waking moment.
You don't become this stubborn and stuck on something kinda guy easily, I've always said that my childhood was spent among books, so when Gatsby threw lavish parties across the island so that her crush would notice him, when Tim travelled back in time to make the perfect moment with his girl, or when Joel erased his memories only to fall in love with the same girl again, I found myself looking at the lengths I could go to, only to come back to her.
It has always been her, and It always will be...Now I don't mind being the cool uncle who stays single and stays always on the road, somewhere to be but nowhere to go because if she's my last love, I have truly lived a good life, but there will be a time when even my last hope to make you mine will be gone, and then, every word I have ever written will turn to waste, every page will be rotten to its essence because with you, the fragrance keeping it alive will be gone too, I'll have no other option to burn those pages and finally leave them in peace.
or I could just keep them in a hidden folder in my phone, good thing I went digital, this shit helps me a lot, also its good to keep it hidden because I don't want my girlfriend finding out about this, also I dont want you guys to find out about her, or my girlfriend, or me, its been lovely writing this, if you have reached till here, you deserve an ice cream from my side, dm me to redeem it, now I leave for my eternal slumber until I'm hit with another yearning episode.
