𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑......

 Hi, its been a while.....

i was really swamped in my work and couldn't lay my hands on the diary for a while, never really thought that I'd miss the smell of books, the sound of pages turning, the texture of words inscribed in the pages, for a moment i was feeling the world as a blind would. i guess leading a double life really does that to you, not like Bruce Wayne -batman or Peter parker- spider man but something that is much worse, a student-employee. having a job makes you question your life in mysterious ways like I know i should be trusting the process but does the process know that I'm trusting it because it sure isn't acting like it.

I finally have some time on my hand to write to all of you and its a pleasure to tell you all we started from the bottom and......somehow we're below the bottom, i wasn't even aware that it was possible.

its becoming really hard for me to show up for people that i care about, and i realized that this is not just happening with me, almost every one of us has to go through this. 

i used to judge people for not showing up, for not putting enough efforts or not giving their 100% but its now that i feel if you only have 10% and you give all of it, you're essentially giving your everything.

sometimes you don't know what someone has to go through everyday until you start walking in their shoes, on their path, being part of the same journey and it is completely fine. you don't have to judge yourself for that, the human brain is conditioned from the childhood to think that it needs attention, validation or love from the outside world, but you should be aware that what you're searching for, you're searching with, no one owes it to you more than yourself, so it doesn't really matter if no ones there for you if you're there for yourself.

if you're seeing darkness all around you, maybe you're the light.

so please cut people some slack and try to supportive of their journey.

until next time, Mr conscious logging out.

you can contact me on elusive zahid

would love to hear your thoughts on this.