why are you this way(not asking profoundly)

Hi again, its been a while and as you can see I did not stand true to my promise but what can we do about it, right?, i was in a really dark state of my life, Maharashtra of course, just kidding, things went so bad i almost thought about quitting comedy, not because i was not great like before but because i was getting used to it. 

And also i made some 'friends' supposedly so for a while i had someone to talk to, life was great but the usual thing happened, the classic "boy meets girl, girl meets another guy, boy gets pissed off"  but.........! I have moved on(this is what i keep saying so it doesn't affect me personally but somehow its still affecting me I clearly need to work on myself)

I was stuck in this dilemma about how can someone hangout with you for a whole month and then walk past you like you're not even visible but that's life, people move on, not me though I have to stand there and make the day miserable thinking about it, thinking about this question, was all of that forced? was i a burden you had to carry? was i not good enough( PS: i wrote this on 3rd dec and this is scheduled for 10th dec so if by that time i haven't moved on, punch me in the guts, will you?)

present day: 10th Dec

Surprise! Surprise! I have certainly not moved on, much worse I have started blaming her because how could i ever be not enough(don't mind, i have started performing again so all of this don't mean shit to me) and on top of it I decided to read White Nights by Fyodor Dostoevsky and now i hate women with this burning passion i just wish you could see the anger in my eyes through your screens( if i don't start crying) 

And to make things better I went on to read Kafka because no matter what kind of day I'm having Kafka is having a worse one. Then i realized what kind of a horrible person I am, i was happy reading someone else's suffering so i went on to write some poetry and i wrote some good bits so i thought i should perform them.

after seeing the audience clap i thought "what kind of horrible people are they?" why are they happy bout my suffering, and then my mood swings went on swinging like a baseball bat in the air left to right, one moment everyone deserved to live as god made them that way but in another moment no one deserved to breath near me because of their low self awareness, i was hanging between Miserability and God complex...it was awful but it ended as all awful things must come to an end except for Sisyphus, he must suffer and we must imagine him happy for some reason( i like to imagine him crying, gives me an ick)

So that is my friend why you should never even talk to someone from opposite gender, even if your life depends on it.

Mr conscious logging out, until next time

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